They agree to disagree

They have a main PC - which has been literally PUT TOGETHER by Gary - because he's a legend of a nerd and managed to tailor it to meet their gaming requirements - and laptops. They are also lucky enough to each have their own tablets AND phones. Last Christmas, we got them a Nintendo Switch. So much entertainment to choose from yet they still manage to disagree.

None of the techs is a cheap purchase nowadays, especially considering they have had some of the devices replaced. They are children, they just don't have any grasp value. This woke us up to only buying second-hand devices.

At the beginning of last year, we had established that on week A one has the main on PC Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, on week B they swap. No games after dinner, although we have been allowing the teenager her phone until we go to bed, against my deepest convictions - and as per the advice I've had. With children nowadays, relationships are an ongoing negotiation. One day they are each other's best friends, the other they just cannot stand each other. It's for me to get some nuances of a sibling connection, since I've never had that myself. I go by other parents' experiences, I set rules based on common sense.

I understand that to this date, because they were not mature enough to understand and learn to agree. it's much easier to ask mum to untie their disagreements with some impromptu, wise, grownup advice. I tried explaining. But they may still be too immature to grasp the concept. I set the ground rules. If they make their own agreements, to suit their interests, I should not then have to intervene, am I not right? I had to draw it.

By what I've witnessed more recently, Cedric (10) is starting to take initiative in engaging in our dinner table conversations. Normally - like most parents, no doubt - we start asking how everyone's day was and it prompts nice conversations, where they share their frustrations or brag about their achievements. This leads me to believe they are ready to start making their own agreements. This week “agreements” was the main theme. Mind you I am currently still working fully from home.

On Wednesday, Cedric (usually the first one home from school) came to say hi to my bedroom and then asked me to confirm - in a very gentle and polite way - that, as I'd set before in our ground rules - whenever one of them gave up their tech day to benefit the other by choice, he/she could not get any sort of time compensation back, as in: it's not a swap.

This was Cedric after having negotiated with Charlotte (14) on the previous day that if he shared his smoothie with her - smoothie that SHE made - she would let him go on the main PC. Charlotte seems to have agreed. This was a confusing arrangement.

After negotiating with Charlotte to suit his momentary wishes, he expected me to enforce the ground rules so he could have his tech day back. Yes, he does have himself in high account, as you can tell. I had to make it clear that what they agree with outside the ground rules, they have to discuss themselves. They now know better than to come to mummy for legal proceedings.