Immature parents: Keep Away!

The only suitable pic

#rantalert

I like to think I am a realistic enough parent to see my children's defaults. I don't live under any illusion that my parenting is any more perfect than that of other parents.

If we adults still learn new things every day, how far behind us are children? I am the type of parent that will always defend what's right, even if that means admitting that my children are wrong. My sense of justice is much bigger than my pride.

My son has a friend that has been his best friend forever. They're both eleven. They're the sort of friends I usually say they seem to bring the worst out of each other whenever they're together. They break rules and they break stuff. This happened in both our and his friend's households.

Sometimes us parents have playdates, where we take them somewhere fun and give them the opportunity to name a friend they'd like to bring. When we do this we like to rotate a friend from the group, to expand his social skills. This time, he chose someone else other than his bestie. He then proceeded with sharing that with him. So far so good.

It followed with the statement that he didn't choose him because I "hate" him because of that time they axed our wooden garden table. Obviously, this started an unexpected chain of events that could not be stopped.

His mum then sent me the following message: "I understand today that you ‘hate’ my son??!! And apparently it is over the table/axe incident! I do consider this a harsh reaction over an 11 year old and when your son was the one with the axe in his hand!! Can I advise you that your son is no longer welcome in my home after breaking MY table and several items around my home….. and lying to my face about constantly taking food out of my cupboards!!! Which I had to install a camera to stop!! Take care!!" And removes me from her contacts. She was upset, I get it. But let's make a deeper analysis of this message.

"I understand today that you ‘hate’ my son??!! And apparently it is over the table/axe incident! I do consider this a harsh reaction over an 11 year old and when your son was the one with the axe in his hand!!" What leads us, as grown up parents, to take the word of a child for granted? Never have I ever said that my child did not share part of the blame for that incident. If anything, the main part of the fault was ours, for leaving an axe unattended in the first place! We are undergoing house-building works (at points on a daily basis) and our son was aware of this. He is bright enough to know he should not have touched it. It was unlucky that in one of the rare occasions his best mate came around it was left outside, and they made use of it. To break our garden table.

"Can I advise you that your son is no longer welcome in my home after breaking MY table and several items around my home….." Why didn't she tell me at the time? Does she think I would be offended (would she)? Who has benefited from it? As soon as they destroyed our table I made her aware of it, also letting her know that I would be restricting their play time together by forbidding my son from going to their house or having him around, for a while, to which she agreed. At this point, she told me about my son's behaviour around theirs. I have not once tried to defend him or justify his doing. I purely accepted it as true, because of how likely it is for things like these to happen when they're this young. It is just sad that some parents can't just be honest with other parents.

"Can I advise you that your son is no longer welcome in my home after breaking MY table and several items around my home….. and lying to my face about constantly taking food out of my cupboards!!! Which I had to install a camera to stop!! Take care!!" And here it is. Immaturity strikes.

Allow me to translate this for you: "Your son is way worse than mine! He broke everything in our house, ate our food and lied about it. Because I think you'll deny that he's done it (I would) I'll make up that I've got a camera installed to make you believe I've got proof and you won't stand a chance in disputing it. So aha, your son is now a little thief."

We made our way to them, to talk this through. As soon as we got out of the car we could hear their door being locked. They didn't even make an effort to pretend nobody was home. Dismissing that, we rang the bell twice and no answer.

As soon as we came back, I texted her:

"That was not the case at all. You know how strict I try to be with him as a parent. What I said was that when they are together they seem to bring up the worst in each other and become more aggressive. I know for a fact it was Cedric who had the axe in his hand because he confirmed it to me. How can I hate a child? How do you not even question this? I am sorry that he used those words and I understand that may have upset you, but that was not an accurate quote. I am sorry for the trouble he caused you -and for what is worth, I believe you - I am however surprised that you would also take an 11-year-old child's word for it... He was just forced to explain this to me. Apparently, it had to do with the fact that I have invited someone else to go with him to Flip Out instead of M. because we find it is more beneficial to rotate friends. This was all a result of their conversation. But I respect your decision."

What this event has done is completely closed any window of agreement for me because I don't think she is worth my time. It wasn't even the incident that did it, it was her attitude.