Old therapist, new attempt

Looked up in my contacts for the therapist we tried before when I first got divorced. We had something like three sessions and stopped. I can no longer remember why she stopped but something tells me she told me she was ok and didn't need it anymore. This time we went together.

As soon as I told her the appointment date she straight away told me she was not going to school until then. She had her first GCSE endorsement booked for one of those days. I knew that was a possibility, yet I'd let her know hoping that it would have the opposite effect: motivation.

It is so hard for me, as a parent that has been trying so hard - to the point of exhaustion - to convince her that not going to school could affect her studies. And although she rationally understands the consequences, she insists on avoiding reality. She sent me a long message to tell me she is really sorry for all the stress she's causing our family by her actions but that only the thought of going to school makes her sick.

Every school day now she cries her heart out because she doesn't want to go. But she is so bright and has no learning problems. It's all in her head, all this judgement she feels other people have about her. It's ironic how, at an age when individuals are trying to discover themselves to find their identification, their major concern is about other people and what they may think of them.

My fear is that my youngest is starting to pick up some traits from her behaviour, and I know he has been eavesdropping. He’s been bringing up conversations about “guilt-tripping” and “sarcasm” or even “blackmailing”. This last week, he actually approached his teacher and told her about what was happening at home. Told her that his sister is not feeling well and doesn’t want to go to school. I confess I was a bit wary of what he could say. When children are given an opportunity to get focused attention, they may come up with all sorts… Apparently, in the end, the teacher said there was nothing they could do to help, that it needed to be resolved with Charlotte’s school.

It was a lovely spring-type day and the therapist actually lives in such a lovely setting. I think I was more nervous than her. We got into his little room, with three small chairs covered with rustic types of throws, and we sat opposite the doctor. So he started asking about what was bringing us there.

As you may guess, I had to take the lead, she was not ready to speak yet. As the conversation picked up a more and more informal register, she then started to engage. We both had a little cry, as she spoke about the things she thought were wrong in her world and all these expectations the world had of her.

The therapist eventually stated her symptoms seemed to indicate a depression-related condition. Her face brightened up with relief, as he said these words. She got what she needed: validation. She was craving for a qualified confirmation that she was not going mad. At this point, I realised I’d made the right decision.

The fact that she spoke openly about her issues with someone else other than showed me that she needs this. And although the fact that I was present gave her the initial confidence for her to open up, I could tell how strong her personality is and how keen she is on making a change. In the end, she wanted to schedule another appointment, which showed me she means business. I’m happy with that. I feel like a milestone has been reached.