Too young to feel nostalgic

I have an ongoing dilemma. Up until I was 40, memories were only that, memories. Or at least that's how I saw them. I guess it's an age thing. But I don't yet feel old enough that I should… Social protocols, hey? Memories of those not that long ago were good moments. Going over those moments over and over again with friends, as if they happened last week, remembering our gestures, our attitude, gossiping as if our lives would never be any different.

The Sweet N' Sour Sixteen

Past 40, it felt more appropriate to call them nostalgic memories. Good moments changed to good times, friends are now old friends, making all we remember feel distant. The odd silver hair starts creeping up, certain movements hurt, our teeth start falling out and our body is very keen on gravity. Oestrogen levels go through the floor and our mood gets snappy. But, we become less self-conscious, more patient, more selective, and more free. And for all these reasons I don't see myself as old enough to feel nostalgic in the old sense of the word.

All memories are stored in my mind under a very sensorial experience. So they are more likely to be triggered by a song or a smell. But when they hit me they can hit me to the point of tears. Revisiting moments that don't come back (or repeat) can be a very emotional experience. Memories are not just memories, they are a chance to revisit, to re-learn our personal experiences. Similar to watching a movie a second time, you will always notice something you didn’t the first time around.

Re-living these memories can be quite therapeutic for our self-discovery journey. Every day is a school day, as we say. It can bring to the surface things our immaturity could not filter out. And that’s when the realization of nostalgic moments clicks. “Has it really been that long?”, “If I had a second chance I would do it so differently”, and “Well that was stupid of me?” This totally explains the “older and wiser” expression. Our experience provides great insight into our identity and can explain a lot of our behaviour, our choices, and our decisions if we’re brave enough to plunge in. And it might actually resolve some of our lifetime psychological problems.

Since we can’t go back and edit our life as if it was a piece of text, we should embrace all of the benefits remembering can carry with it, without retaining any of its sourness (my sustainability can reach incredible levels, haha!) Growing old has actually revealed itself to be the most fun part of my growth… Or ageing (whatever you want to call it!) I can safely say I am actually living the best days of my life: no more guilt, freedom to be myself and rethink my priorities. Am I nostalgic? Yeah, I’m nostalgic alright. With pride!